For me, smoking cigarettes was never just a habit. It was a part of my life, not just in the morning routine, but in the small breaks in the day when I needed a little relaxation, a little “me time”. But now the time has come to say goodbye. This day I no longer lit it!
One of the in-depth group sessions was to name your cigarette and then say goodbye to it. It seemed like a joke at first, but it highlighted how personal our relationship is with this small but powerful object/substance (!?).
I named her Lolita. Why Lolita? Because of my love of the film and book of the same name. Lolita is seductive, dangerous and addictive at the same time. You get hooked, addicted, but eventually you know you have to escape. Lolita is as beautiful and harmful as cigarettes. Beautiful, but capable of killing – as her obsession destroyed Humbert. So I too realized that I had to let go of this relationship, because it was damaging.
Before it kills me.
Although Lolita has accompanied me in my everyday life, I am saying goodbye and I know that letting go will not be easy. Lolita is not just an object, but a companion who was part of the smallest moments of my life. But just as Humbert had to realise that he had no future unless he broke off the relationship, I have to let go of Lolita – to save myself. And then comes the letter (not the best break-up letter, I suggest you don’t take my example; only if it’s about cigarettes…)
Farewell letter to Lolita
Dear, beautiful, wonderful Lolita,
Our journey was long and I can’t say I didn’t enjoy every minute of it. I spent the mornings with you, the breaks during the day, the nights. You were with me when I was happy, and you were there when I needed comfort. You were always there for me. When we drank, you spent an especially long time with me. In fact, I must say, you looked good on me. You complemented me very well, you were also my tool. You also helped me make connections, because I didn’t believe I could go to certain parties without you.
But now the time has come to let you go. We will not see each other again today. Not because I didn’t love you, but because I loved you too much. You’ve taken control, and this relationship is no longer harmonious. I have gone too deep with you and I know this journey cannot continue.
I always knew that we would have to separate, but now I am finally able to take that step. You were seductive and strong, but now I’m stronger. I have to let you go because my health, my life and my future are more important than that.
It will not be easy. You’re the one who comforted me in the difficult moments, who stood by me in the stressful moments. But now I’m moving on to a new life, a life where there’s no place for you.
Thank you for the time we have spent together, but now I say goodbye. I’m moving on to a new phase of my life, and there is no place for you in it.
Goodbye, Lolita.
Aletta Nagy-Kozma
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